{"id":3956,"date":"2023-03-29T13:46:10","date_gmt":"2023-03-29T12:46:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/larelleread.co.uk\/2023\/03\/29\/write-like-a-writer\/"},"modified":"2023-03-29T13:46:10","modified_gmt":"2023-03-29T12:46:10","slug":"write-like-a-writer","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/larelleread.co.uk\/?p=3956","title":{"rendered":"Write Like A Writer?"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Two more assignments to go before year\u2019s out. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Do I want to be a writer? Do I really feel as though I can BE a writer? Will I ever feel comfortable with the idea of calling myself a writer? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I feel so much uncertainty with where I should go with my studies. Today I have been looking at the next module. We\u2019ll move on to Stage 2 with the next module and that\u2019s when the more focused point of study begins. I love writing! I enjoy it so much. I find it so rewarding. Before starting this module I had done very little fictional writing. I strongly felt it was not something that I would be very good at. I accepted my weaknesses and felt my strength lay in life-writing – that is, autobiographical and biographical writing. These past several weeks have opened up a new world to me. One that I felt was out-of-bounds for me. I convinced myself I would never be good enough to become proficient at fictional writing (I avoided using the term \u201cto master\u201d because I doubt I will ever \u201cmaster\u201d it). I\u2019m still not sure I will ever do so. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I keep trying to silence the inner voices. At the very least I am trying to talk back to them and tell them they\u2019re wrong. Those inner voices that keep saying to me, \u201cyou can\u2019t.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

The biggest stumbling block I had was never knowing how to start writing a piece of fiction. I was daunted by the blank page. Since learning how to break the blank page curse, I find that lots of ideas come to my mind. I have even found myself dreaming of stories. I know they are dreams of stories because I\u2019m not even in the dream. I don\u2019t think I\u2019ve ever experienced dreams that I have never actually been a part of. If I have then I never really thought about it in this way and never thought of it in terms that I am dreaming a story and I should do something about it or with it. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A few nights ago I dreamed about a female protagonist called Jessie Orange. Yes\u2026 she had a name! Completely from nowhere because I don\u2019t know ANYONE called Jessie Orange. Jessie is Northern Irish and she dislikes her surname because of the connotations it has. She\u2019s an activist and a protestor – but she protests for peace and a united Ireland – but she\u2019s not Catholic, she\u2019s Protestant. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I woke up with such vivid visions and ideas for Jessie and I immediately wanted to go to work and do something with her story. But\u2026I haven\u2019t. Other than now giving the synopsis of Jessie\u2019s story, I\u2019ve not written a single thing about her or her story. I think Jessie was an amalgam of watching the play Cyprus Avenue at the Tron Theatre a couple of weeks back and then seeing Elaine Malcolmson at McChuills on Sunday afternoon. Exposure to Northern Irish people and themes fuelled my imagination. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m still very ratty when it comes to capturing those kinds of ideas and doing something proactive with them. My enthusiasm is building into having several writing projects on the go at one time. This idea scares the bejaysus out of me at the same time. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I am loving the research that I am doing writing the prose for my EMA (End of Module Assessment). I\u2019m worried that I am enjoying the research itself more than developing the story from what I\u2019m learning through my research. I don\u2019t really want to discuss what I am researching in case discussing it would be deemed too revealing about my piece of prose. The piece is history-based but entirely fictional. For the assessment we HAVE to write a fictional work. I am conscious of it needing to have verisimilitude – an authenticity to it. It needs to be believable and tangible. The other aspect I am worried about is that my piece will run away with me. The prose can be no longer than 2000 words and I\u2019m worried that I have set myself a story that will be very hard to contain or work effectively within the constraints of 2000 words. There\u2019s a part of me that wants to be selfish and start something fresh so this piece can be given the wings to soar and allow me to expand it and have the potential to make it something of a more considerable length. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My days alternate between feeling brimmed with enthusiasm and creativity to feeling as if I am going down the wrong path entirely and that it really is just academia in general that gives me a kick. It\u2019s learning more broadly that inspires me and perhaps I shouldn\u2019t tie myself down to a specialist subject? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

How \u201cwell read\u201d writers need to be makes me apprehensive too. I enjoy reading. Of course I do! But I\u2019m not a book worm. I\u2019m not as avid a reader as I should be. I do wonder whether I should stick to English Literature to begin with and then move on to CW? I also love etymology and linguistics – the concept of words, how they came to be, how we use them, their lineage, etc. I can study this as well. But then I look at the Creative Writing module at Stage 2 and there are things I am keen to learn about (like life-writing) but I can see we\u2019ll also be looking at poetry in greater detail and that puts the fear of god in me. Writing poetry I like, reading poetry is what I find scary. I know! I love song lyrics. It\u2019s ridiculous of me to say that I\u2019m scared of reading poetry. It\u2019s the complex stuff that scares me. Clever syntax and blank verse, etc. Pam Ayers? Great! William Blake? HELP! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m just in a very pondering mood today and wanted to jot some things down. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I love the story I am working on for my EMA. I\u2019m a little concerned I don\u2019t have an exact end for it, yet. It\u2019s very early days and the EMA isn\u2019t due until 18 May. Before that there is another TMA to hand in which is due on 6 April – just over a week away. It\u2019s worth the lowest overall percentage of the module mark and is just 800 words. It\u2019s a reflective task and study plan mapping out how we are working on our EMA. I\u2019m trying not to get too hung up on that. I\u2019ve made a tentative start and will start pulling it into focus over the weekend and into early next week. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lastly, my grammar worries me greatly. I am very conscious of my weak points and I am being particularly mindful of my sentences at the moment. I think about every single word I write and worry whether I am using all my words in the right context. I am 52 years old and I still feel like a 14 year old girl. I still get a basic sentence wrong all the time. I keep trying to understand and work out where I am going wrong and rectify it but a lot of the time it feels like locking the stable door after the horse has bolted. That\u2019s the final voice in my head. The one that keeps refuting all the examples of \u201cyou\u2019re never too old.\u201d That voice keeps saying \u201cYes you are! You\u2019re far too old already. Why are you even bothering?\u201d Trying to suppress that voice is REALLY hard! <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Two more assignments to go before year\u2019s out. Do I want to be a writer? Do I really feel as though I can BE a writer? Will I ever feel comfortable with the idea of calling myself a writer?  I feel so much uncertainty with where I should go with my studies. Today I have … <\/p>\n

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