{"id":4163,"date":"2023-09-01T13:59:56","date_gmt":"2023-09-01T12:59:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/larelleread.co.uk\/?p=4163"},"modified":"2023-09-01T13:59:56","modified_gmt":"2023-09-01T12:59:56","slug":"believe-in-better","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/larelleread.co.uk\/?p=4163","title":{"rendered":"Believe In Better"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

For as defeated and melancholy I was feeling yesterday, I just wanted to be kind to myself and allow myself to \u201cride it out.\u201d Let the storm pass. Hope for a better tomorrow. Because it does happen!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It did happen. Today is better. Still not 100% and it would take the slightest thing of something to topple me over again. There are things that if I dwell on them will bring me down. Jim. The Minds fandom. The state and future of my blog (the Priptona one). How mentally prepared (or otherwise) I am for the recommencement of uni next month. My partner\u2019s mental health (always a VERY big cloud hanging over things, if I am being incredibly open and frank). Finances (or lack thereof). <\/p>\n\n\n\n

But\u2026I\u2019ve had a shower today and I\u2019ve washed my hair. I know there are many people that won\u2019t get that. People that don\u2019t understand the kind of effort that can take sometimes. Sometimes I don\u2019t. Sometimes I get very angry with myself. A lot of the time, in fact. I was angry with myself yesterday. I wasn\u2019t comfortable with posting what I posted on my blog yesterday. I sounded like I was just wallowing in self-pity. At the same time and as much as I tried to push myself, I tried being kind. Allow myself the time to hope that the bad would pass. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Some of the feeling also is dictated by having someone else living in my home. A person that makes me feel like a tenant in my own home. I am very mindful of accommodating them and working my day around theirs. They are moving out in a couple of weeks and I am looking forward to being \u201cliberated\u201d and being able to return to doing things in my house when I want to. From when I begin my study day to when I go to the toilet in the middle of the night. All of that! All of that has weighed on my mind for 21 months. Silly little accommodations, you know? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

For instance\u2026I\u2019ll settle into bed around 11pm. I\u2019ll listen to The Arches and a couple of podcasts, then be ready to settle to sleep around midnight. My brain and body are ALWAYS insistent that I need one last trip to the loo. But I\u2019ll try not to go. I\u2019ll ignore it. But that invariably means I\u2019ll awake again a couple of hours later with a more urgent need to go, which I\u2019ll also try and ignore. I feel like I am having the most interrupted sleep. These days, once I do get up and go to the loo in the wee hours I find it very hard to get back to sleep. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m just looking forward to getting up and going as and when I need to without having to consider someone else. I\u2019m looking forward to a better sleep pattern once again. Maybe it won’t happen? Maybe I\u2019m in a menopausal phase and that\u2019s what\u2019s disrupting my sleep pattern? I feel as though I will be less stressed anyway and that will help me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My study days will begin earlier too. I will most likely begin my days between 9-9.30am, whereas currently I feel compelled to wait until after 10am (when my lodger\u2019s work day begins). I know that doesn\u2019t sound like much – but when you\u2019re a morning thinker and you have ideas and things pop into your head and you want to get going with your day – thoughts pinging in left, right and centre but you feel like it would be rude to just get up and go and start your day, then yes – it makes a BIG difference. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I tried again with the Too Good To Go app and have a couple of new surprise bags to collect today. My Other Half will collect one (taking advantage of the free \u201cold gits\u201d travel she gets on the bus network) this afternoon and I\u2019ll get the other one early this evening. I was able to secure a collection with the George Street Oaka, which is much more handy and easier to get to. A train to Queen Street, a quarter mile walk up George Street and I\u2019m right there. I can collect and get the next train home. It can all be done within the space of an hour. Hurray! And this time I am prepared. Showered and ready to go in later today.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Finally, I realise that I haven\u2019t even shared much from the time away in Blackpool last week. Although elements of it were stressful, in particular the journey back home to Glasgow, we did have some fun while we were away and really enjoyed aspects of the trip. I\u2019d like to share select photos of the time away. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Thanks for listening. I know it\u2019s not easy to read bad stuff and I am guilty as anyone else in trying to give off this air that I am fine and dandy all the time and life\u2019s a peach every single day but the cold, hard truth is\u2026it isn\u2019t. It gets the better of me. I can get very low and dark and I have spent a long time trying to shield people from that. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I have a love\/hate relationship with that \u201cit\u2019s okay not to be okay\u201d phraseology, because although it is inherently true\u2026I myself do NOT feel \u2018okay\u2019 with not feeling okay – if you get me? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Having said that – today is better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Panoramic views of Blackpool North pier and the tower<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
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Ziggy’s Cafe Bar in Blackpool. The owner let us in while he was cleaning so we could take photos of the decor. He’s been open for seven years. Some of the memorabilia was donated to him by cafe patrons and Bowie fans.<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
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Various seaside frivolities<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
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Various photos of Blackpool, Fleetwood and sights in between.<\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
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For as defeated and melancholy I was feeling yesterday, I just wanted to be kind to myself and allow myself to \u201cride it out.\u201d Let the storm pass. Hope for a better tomorrow. Because it does happen! It did happen. Today is better. Still not 100% and it would take the slightest thing of something … <\/p>\n

Continue reading “Believe In Better”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[2,3,4,5,7,8],"tags":[45,56,59,91,136,141,179,201,239,316,320,327,335,343],"class_list":["post-4163","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-art","category-everyday","category-life-stuff","category-mental-health","category-personal","category-photos","tag-bad-days","tag-blackppol","tag-blogging","tag-culture","tag-general-interest","tag-good-days","tag-life","tag-music","tag-pictures","tag-thoughts","tag-travel","tag-uk","tag-ups-and-downs","tag-weekend"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/larelleread.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4163","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/larelleread.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/larelleread.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/larelleread.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/larelleread.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4163"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/larelleread.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4163\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/larelleread.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4163"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/larelleread.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4163"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/larelleread.co.uk\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4163"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}