Long Time – No See

Once again this site has been put on the back burner. It’s hard for me to devote any time to my “main” blog at the moment, let alone this one. I wanted to try and give a brief update on things here.

Firstly, I have myself a book deal. I know! Anyway, as things tend to be in life, it might have come along a bit ‘too little, too late’ in terms of subject and my devotion to it (perhaps – although one could argue that if the SM blog is still going then I am very much still right in the heart of the old SM fandom) but I will give it my best darn shot.

Secondly, uni. It’s at a real ‘ebb and flow’ stage at the moment. Waves of enjoyment and fulfilment mixed with exasperation and disillusionment. At the moment it’s a struggle as we are on a block that has poetry as part of the coursework and I am not doing that well with it. I keep trying to be enthusiastic about it and learning all the elements that will help me to improve but I am finding it a hard slog.

My mental health constantly wavers. Every day is a fight. The last time I posted here, I was going through the deepest, darkest spell I have been in for some time. Years, in fact. I probably haven’t been in such a dark place since around 2006. I was suicidal. I knew I had to pull myself out of it somehow. Bizarrely, what helped to pull me out of it was someone else’s indifference. That and the offer of the authorship came along right at that point too. It was crunch time. Did I want to have the chance of being a published author? A truly ‘once in a lifetime’ chance, even it it feels as if every man and his dog writes a book now.

It hasn’t been easy. Some days I do wonder why I bother at all. But I just keep on trying to work at it. I just keep on writing. Getting things down. Out of my head and down on paper or on the screen.

We’re just over halfway through the course with three assignments left to do. The final two following in fairly quick succession, just over a month apart. From there I have about 12 weeks to focus solely on the book, although I plan on doing as much writing of it as I can before the academic year ends.

In the meantime, I may come and vent here if the frustrations get too much and the time allows. We’ll see!

For now I just wanted to say ‘hi’ and try and keep this blog alive.

Waving – not drowning.

You Know What Your Problem Is?

You think too much. You have too much time to think! You should stop that thinking business. Take a walk. Clear your brain. Not…dwell on things as you walk. Sort your life out.
Yes, I know you’re a writer and ‘thinking’ is part of your job. But you OVERthink….yes? Don’t you…think?

What’s Happening With The Other Blog?

I wanted to share this here just in case of any disruption with the ‘priptonaweird’ blog:


Transitional Period – Blog Renewal & Potential Disruption

My blog is up for renewal in a few days and I am trying to get a new system sorted with it. I’m sorting out a new storage host and this might mean a little bit of sketchy availability of the blog in the interim. I’m trying to minimise the effects of the transition as much as possible in relation to the running of the blog. This has accounted for some of my quietness of late.

My quietness had also been down to being away in Blackpool last weekend to see Hamish Hawk. I’ve been really eager to review the gig but also being mindful of adding to the volume of data to my blog until I sort something out with its storage space before the renewal date. I have been fearful over the past few days that I would have to kiss goodbye to the blog entirely and was trying to come to terms with the notion of it disappearing off the Internet entirely. I’ve put so much work into this blog over the years I would be devastated if that were to happen. I’d like for it not to. 

I just wanted to make everyone aware of what’s happening. I’ll also put something up on my University & Unicorns blog just in case this one goes completely offline and readers go to my personal blog seeking out info on what the hell is happening. 

In the meantime I’ll post a wee thing about the time away in Blackpool and the Hamish gig in a separate post that I’ll upload shortly. Thanks for your patience. I really hope that there will be minimal disruption and that the ‘priptonaweird’ Simple Minds Space will remain in place and be a great place for Minds fans and live music fans in general as a great source of information and entertainment. 

Here’s to better times! 

Prip

Worthless

He is absolutely magnificent, and I am less than nothing.

How did I ever kid myself that I meant anything to him? How did I ever even have the audacity to let that thought develop?

What I Really Want…

I want it.

Sex.

Glorious, hot, sweaty sex.

I want distraction.

I want to forget.

I want to feel different.

Alive.

Spontaneous.

Attractive.

Desired.

Craved.

Like I crave.

Forever craving things I constantly deny myself.

Tired of abstinence.

Tired of being scared.

Tired of counting all my blessings.

Tired.

Happiness Is A Henry

I have been doing my usual perusal of magazine fodder today when the main feature of the latest edition of  New York magazine caught my eye.

One of the Roxy Music tunes playing most constantly in my mind as I continue to explore, get engrossed by and positively hooked upon their early sound is “In Every Dream Home A Heartache”. How the song begins with the architecture of desire…the dream home…the concept, its look, its fitting within culture and then descends into unfulfilled sexual desire with a (what they were known as in Australia when I was growing up) a Suzi doll.

The most intrigue I had with the article was the view from the female perspective. A woman journalist was taking the visit to the “sexbotics” plant to meet new prototype, Henry. There is still this stigma and taboo attached to female desire for sex. That, somehow we don’t desire it ourselves. That we are either coerced or forced. And heaven forbid a woman should desire sex as much as men do. That women should work in the porn and sex industries WILLINGLY, etc.

Only recently I saw a brief video in which a lady was interviewed about her sex addiction. I can’t imagine having to suffer that endless scorn. Men are almost REVERED for having a sex addiction or admitting to one…perhaps at least just dismissed with an air of, “he’s a bloke! What do you expect? They think with their dicks anyway.” But a female sex addict? Yep. I had all the empathy in the world for that lady. It took guts to talk about so openly in the public domain. Deep respect to her.

I found the article fascinating. As for asnwering the question writer Allison P. Davis answered…would I? You bet ya sweet bippy I would! Hello, Henry 😉

Meh! 

Birds, abstracts….abstract humans, possibly….but NOT anyone specific…that’s what I’m learning.

I always want to try and draw on a really crap day…thinking it’ll make me feel better. Doing some art, being creative…and then it just ALL FALLS APART.

I thought I had a niche. I don’t.

I blag “talent”.

I want to believe in myself but I feel I have no real artistic ability whatsoever.

*sigh*

Green Woodpecker!!!

I genuinely feel overwhelmed. Something is happening to me. I don’t understand it. I don’t know how this has happened. I don’t know WHERE it’s coming from…how it got here…what it is. 

I hated art class at school because I sucked at it. I couldn’t draw to save my life and by the time I was in my teens, my skills hardly improved from when I was 5 or 6! Well, that is how it felt, anyway. All the other kids seemed to show SOME KIND of advancement in artistic skill. Not I!

And NOW?! Just…WHAT IS THIS? From being not able to draw ANYTHING well to THIS?!!


SOMEONE EXPLAIN IT TO ME, PLEASE?!!! 

Starling – In Summer Plumage

Very hard to achieve that iridescent gloss they have to their feathers…esp. with what is essentially watercolours…but I am much happier with this one today. Sadly, I seem to actually have BETTER control without the stylus. Ho hum! I’m AMAZED I can do bird eyes so well! Their legs on the other hand… :-/

Practice, practice, practice! And patience! I need patience! I tend to rush too much :-/ I need to calm my sh*t down! Lol