Long Time – No See

Once again this site has been put on the back burner. It’s hard for me to devote any time to my “main” blog at the moment, let alone this one. I wanted to try and give a brief update on things here.

Firstly, I have myself a book deal. I know! Anyway, as things tend to be in life, it might have come along a bit ‘too little, too late’ in terms of subject and my devotion to it (perhaps – although one could argue that if the SM blog is still going then I am very much still right in the heart of the old SM fandom) but I will give it my best darn shot.

Secondly, uni. It’s at a real ‘ebb and flow’ stage at the moment. Waves of enjoyment and fulfilment mixed with exasperation and disillusionment. At the moment it’s a struggle as we are on a block that has poetry as part of the coursework and I am not doing that well with it. I keep trying to be enthusiastic about it and learning all the elements that will help me to improve but I am finding it a hard slog.

My mental health constantly wavers. Every day is a fight. The last time I posted here, I was going through the deepest, darkest spell I have been in for some time. Years, in fact. I probably haven’t been in such a dark place since around 2006. I was suicidal. I knew I had to pull myself out of it somehow. Bizarrely, what helped to pull me out of it was someone else’s indifference. That and the offer of the authorship came along right at that point too. It was crunch time. Did I want to have the chance of being a published author? A truly ‘once in a lifetime’ chance, even it it feels as if every man and his dog writes a book now.

It hasn’t been easy. Some days I do wonder why I bother at all. But I just keep on trying to work at it. I just keep on writing. Getting things down. Out of my head and down on paper or on the screen.

We’re just over halfway through the course with three assignments left to do. The final two following in fairly quick succession, just over a month apart. From there I have about 12 weeks to focus solely on the book, although I plan on doing as much writing of it as I can before the academic year ends.

In the meantime, I may come and vent here if the frustrations get too much and the time allows. We’ll see!

For now I just wanted to say ‘hi’ and try and keep this blog alive.

Waving – not drowning.