Month: March 2015

Not being financially independent. And I don’t mean being rich. And I don’t mean having my own money even. But it must be such a comforting feeling – if you have the wealth, to know that no matter what life will throw at you in future, you’ll have the funds to cope. I’ve NEVER had that feeling. Very few people have. I’ve never felt secure in employment. Anyone who does is dillusional. No job can give you THAT amount of security…unless you provide an essential service…but you are likely to be paid a pittance. Because we live in a world where someone’s ability to kick or throw a ball is deemed MUCH more important and therefore financially rewarding than someone’s ability to care for other people and/or save lives…

If I had to choose something else a bit less obvious – that I’m not intelligent enough. I’ve always wanted to be intelligent and I try to learn but I just retain facts (and not many facts at that). I’m not really bookish. I love novels. I don’t do so well reading for study. I wish I was far more academic. 

I love fireworks. And in Australia you only ever really see big displays at New Year. When I was a kid, we used to have “Cracker Night” for the Queen’s Birthday weekend, the first weekend in June. The general public in Australia, well, in particular New South Wales (some laws alter from state to state), could buy fireworks at that time without a licence. There would be many local displays. I’m not saying I agreed with that. I didn’t really. There was a lot of danger involved. But when licensing came in, fireworks displays for the Queen’s birthday slowly petered out and only the main fireworks display on New Year’s Eve in Sydney remained.

So, when I moved to the UK, I felt like I hit the jackpot! Not only is Halloween a bigger celebration in the UK (it was never very popular in Australia when I was growing up – which made me dispair, being a Halloween baby), but with Guy Fawkes night being celebrated shortly after, chances were always strong for me to get a Halloween/fireworks double whammy!

This happened one year, a few short years after I moved over, at a local children’s amusement park called Gulliver’s Land. They were having a special Halloween/Guy Fawkes double celebration. 

WORST. BIRTHDAY. EVER!

It was FREEZING that year. It was sssooo cold. We got to the park CRAZY early. I think it was also half-term for the schools, so there were kids EVERYWHERE! I KNOW! Strange for a children’s amusement park. Lol. So, it was cold, the park was TINY and VERY child-centered. Not like an Alton Towers or the like…something where maybe adults can have some fun too. No! We waited about 2-3 hours for the fireworks…and then they were shite.

So, yeah. Freezing my tits off, surrounded by kids, waiting hours for fireworks that weren’t even all that. Crap!!

Erm…well…this is going to be a SHORT conversation, because I have a SHOCKING memory! I’ll be better with tomorrow’s task! As for today’s one…it was probably the first birthday I had here in the UK. I get the sneaky feeling it was when I got to see Beauty And The Beast – The Musical version, at the Dominion Theatre in London. I’d already seen it three times previously in Sydney, but, you know…nothing beats the West End! And that was my first trip to the West End. So, yeah…if it is as I remember and was indeed on my birthday, then that’s the best one – that I can remember!

Not trying harder to pursue the career I wanted for myself. Something scientific. Pharmacist, vetinarian, vetinary nurse, lab technician. All of these were careers I either half-heartedly tried to pursue or had my mind and confidence thwarted by those who told me I couldn’t do it. Well, I was never going to do it by listening to them!

I’ve always loved academia and have a great thirst for knowledge but never felt I had the mental aptitude/capacity for it. So when others (mostly teachers I had in tertiary learning) agreed with my thoughts on myself, I would just give up.

Well, I married her…just over 17 years ago now. SEVENTEEN YEARS!!! Wowzers! We met (online) on September 14th, 1997. We met face to face on December 9th, 1997, and we were married on March 21st, 1998. I knew within days of us meeting online. I just knew. 

This is kind of hard for me to talk about in some ways. Plus Em is very reserved and private, so I can’t really say much. So sorry this is a short one…but, yeah. I found my soulmate and I am very lucky 🙂

Well…is it the first EVER kiss I had with a member of the opposite sex that WASN’T a relative? Or, is it the first kiss I had from someone I had a DEEP crush on?

Meh…I’m feeling generous. I’ll give you both! The first one is a very short story anyway! His name was David. He was 5 years old, as was I (well, actually, I still might have only been 4 – yeah! I like, soooo started young! Lol). He had red hair and freckles, but I thought he was VERY cute. I had a swing set in my back garden and he came over to my place to play and we kissed by the swing set! So cute!

The first REAL kiss I had. The first very memorable kiss I had was from a guy I had been crushing on for YEARS! He shall remain nameless (to protect me as much as him!) but I’ll refer to him by his initals, B Mc. It was the middle of 1989, and I had been crushing on B Mc for 2 or 3 years by this time. I had tried to get him interested in me in the past. I knew his sister, so asked her for his phone number and called him a few times – heart pounding – never really knowing what to say. It never worked! Then, one night, I was babysitting for his sister. B Mc’s brother (and the brother of my friend…B Mc’s sister) was getting married, and B Mc had come back to his sister’s place to stay. He knew I was babysitting her kids for her, so he came over to my place as a ruse of pretending to check on the kids. They were all fine and asleep. I don’t really remember how it happened exactly but suddenly I found myself sitting on his lap and we snogged (or “pashed”, as we call it in Oz). For quite a time. And then, eventually…one thing led to another…and that night I lost my virginity. I was 18. Yes…I at least waited until I was an adult – well, I *say* waited. It wasn’t like that, really. I’d have done it YEARS before if a guy had wanted me! If B Mc had wanted me when I was first crushing on him – I would have then!

Nothing ever eventuated from my “dalliance” with B Mc. He just used me and spat me out. And sadly, I let him, for several months :-(( But then I met my first real boyfriend, so B Mc was loooong forgotten.

Well, I don’t remember the experience that well. It was quite a long time ago and I have an appalling memory, but I certainly remember being deeply affected. The final scene of him laying prostrate on the bed – knowing full well he could and would die doing it?! Just so, so sad! I very rarely cry watching films. I’m never easily moved. I can never suspend my disbelief enough. But I did with this. John Hurt’s performance is astounding! I cried buckets! The final scene stayed with me for many days afterwards. And to this day, when I hear Barber’s Adagio For Strings, I can see those final scenes in my head. Adagio For Strings has a very Pavlovian affect on my tear ducts as a consequence.

If you haven’t guessed by now, the film I refer to is The Elephant Man.