My Sexual Awakening.

This story prompted me to write about my sexual awakening. It probably happened much sooner than many people would think.

Mind you, I didn’t act upon it until a was 18, but it would’ve happened MUCH earlier in my life had the circumstances permitted. If I’d have had my way, I’m sure I would have lost my virginity at a ridiculously young age!

My mother was very open about sexuality with me. She started my sex education when I was about 4-5 years old. She was worried about the things I’d pick up in the school playground and didn’t want me to be misinformed. So many of my contemporaries were given stories of cabbage patches, storks, magic and had silly names for anatomical parts like “pipes” for penises. She taught me things like how impregnation takes place. So I knew when a woman was pregnant she had a baby growing in her stomach, not she was ballooning for no good reason to only be “sent” a child by a stork, or randomly “find” one in a cabbage patch!

I wasn’t banned from watching certain things on TV either. I’d watch adult oriented soap operas and drama series. By the time I was around 11, I was quite interested in the “delights of the flesh”. When I saw people acting out sensual or even sexual scenes on TV, I found it utterly intriguing and thrilling.

Perhaps it’s my Scorpio nature, but I’ve always considered myself a very sexual being. It’s by the age of 11 that I am (I do beg all of your pardons) masturbating regularly and having many sexual fantasies, particularly about older men. I think that perhaps this aspect stemmed from me growing up without my father around, although my brothers are all over 9 years older than me. I looked up to older men, be they teachers, sports stars, actors. I’ve had MANY crushes on older men. Not so much these days, as I’m so much older myself now.

Many of my sexual fantasies revolved around me being involved with older men. Even at my tender age, I found the age and experience of men over the age of 21 so compelling. I’m sure if I’d have had my way, I’d have lost my virginity at 11-12 and to a much older man. I was Lolita!

I am, with hindsight, thankful that no situation ever arose in which I had such an opportunity. I was 18 when I (Finally! In my eyes at the time) lost my virginity to a guy only one year older than me who I’d been keen on for the previous 18 months. Although the relationship went nowhere, he was just in it for “a root”, as we say in Oz, it still was a very special experience that I still can have nostalgia about. Not sure if I could have looked upon it so rose-tinted had I been younger.

David Tennant Is *NOT* God??!

Well, this is shocking news! This person, despite appearances can’t be that much of a fan.


Signed, Angry of Luton! (that’s me by the way, not the person who shopped the photo)

Randomist, Dreams.

Just wanted to say that I am really loving and enjoying using my Zen X-Fi. It does take a while to get used to using something new, doesn’t it? I’ve just worked out the playlist bit and now have a BIG 80’s mega-mix playlist with over 400 songs. I’ve made one of all my U2 stuff and another of all my Bowie stuff. And Em worked out how to get AAC files on there for me. It’s really, really good!

Now, on to these dreams…

I had a crap nights sleep really. Chris came up to bed for cuddles (she’s been doing this for the last few months). Once me and Em are both settled, she comes to my pillow and lays next to me for cuddles and smooches. She normally stays only about 10-15 minutes. Sometimes she doesn’t even come up. But over the last week, I’ve had a couple of nights where she’s outstayed her welcome, hogged my pillow and made it nigh on impossible for me to get comfortable and go to sleep.

I eventually did last night, after some hours. She eventually disappeared and I finally got my pillow back in the early hours of the morning (around 5-6am).

Once I was comfortable, I started to have dreams. The first one was about James May (yes, the bloke from Top Gear!). I dreamt I had a thing for him, we met up, he was driving me around in a car and I was flirting with him! I came round from that dream thinking “that was a bit weird, but kinda cool. James is alright!”

I went back to sleep and had a Doctor Who themed dream then. Not too deeply DT’ed, but I saw enough of him 🙂 It more centred around John Barrowman’s character, Jack Harkness and how he came to be the “Face of Bow”. Very strange for me to dream something so plot-heavy. But it was cool.

I didn’t have any other dreams after that and still feel VERY tired. Might need to have an early night tonight.

I’m planning to fill my 1GB SD card with 101 Christmas songs and play them on my Zen in shuffle mode tonight! LOVING using the shuffle mode with my playlists!


Six Things (Which Will Probably Be Crap)

Wendylisted her 6 things via Plurk earlier today, so thought I might give it a go. Even though I am TRULY crap at bringing up random, seldom known “facts” about myself. Here goes…


Six Things People Don’t Really Know About Me:


In high school I was awarded certificates for swimming when I didn’t even swim any heats, or actually DO any swimming.


I got Drew Barrymore’s autograph at Sydney Airport in the newsagents in the departure lounge on July 18th, 2005. I actually tapped her on the shoulder to get her attention! She signed her name in an autobiography on Waris Dirie. It was all I had to hand.


My Drew Barrymore autograph

I am, actually, surprisingly very good at retaining phone numbers to memory, just not my own! I’ve had a “new” mobile phone number for 14 months and have only just etched it to memory!


I am fascinated by Chinese culture and art and some of my favorite films are by Chinese director Zhang Yimou. My favourite Chinese actress is Ziyi Zhang and my favourite Chinese Actor is Chow Yun-Fat or “Happy New Year” as I call him due to the Cantonese New Year greeting “Gung Hay Fat Choy”. I also love reading auto/biographies by Chinese people like Adaline Yen Mah, Xinran, and To The Egde of The Sky by Anhua Gao – one of the most powerful books I’ve ever read.


I collect coffee mug as souvenirs. Whenever I go to a new town or place of interest, I try to buy a commemorative coffee mug of the place. If I can’t get a mug, I’ll buy a book mark. Last commemorative item I bought though was neither. It was a cloth bag from Lincoln Cathedral.


I am an avid studier of the history of the British monarchy. I particularly love the Tudor period of the monarchy.


There…a sad array of random facts.

The Kodak EasyShare Z1012 IS

It’s the biggest bang for the buck! As Em says. It’s our big joint Xmas present for this year. We just took delivery of it 3 days ago and it’s AMAZING. HD stills AND HD video! Amazing quality. I want share some of my fave pics and videos taken with it already. Of course, everything can be viewed on my Picasa site.

But here’s a taster.





Children In Need 2008.

Well now Christmas is TRULY on its way now another Children In Need is done and dusted for another year.

The theme for this year was “do something different”, did that extend to the BBC One program itself? Hell no!

Still hosted by one of the world’s worst presenters in God’s universe, Sir Terry Wigon (Wogan) (Eurovision is a totally different matter – he’s sort of in his element there) along with Tess Daly – who actually held it together and helped to make it a little less shambolic.

Everyone elses favourite female presenter, Fearne Cotton, was helping out too (she seems to be universally hated, but I like her).

The night started off with *yawn* McFly doing a song. And it just kept descending from there.

The cast of The Bill doing a Blues Brothers style musical medley.
Performances from Duffy, Girls Aloud, Take That, Sugababes, Boyzone (yawn, yawn, yawn)
Thank GOD I wasn’t up late enough to see Jason Donovan’s performance!
The cast of Eastenders doing a “songs from the movies” themed musical medley – Lord help us all!
Terry Wigon and Tess Daly having a Strictly Come Dancing dance-off.
The BBC newsreaders doing a ABBA-esque-cum-Mamma Mia style musical medley (help!)

I think by the time the newsreaders came on I thought, “I’m off to bed”. I don’t know why I do it to myself every year. You’d think I’d have learned from last year that it’s just awful and cheesy and full of crappy music acts that I don’t want to see, etc, etc. I NEVER LEARN!

Apart from a passable special episode of Q.I., the best part of the show, and the only REAL reason I kept enduring it, was this.

Now isn’t THAT interesting?! SO cannot wait for Christmas now!!!

Yes, We Have No Nuts, We Have No Nuts Today!

We had, for the first time that I am aware of, a squirrel in the garden earlier this week. It was aVERY rainy day, and he was getting very wet. There were no nuts out there, so I think he was just snacking on the seeds out there for the birds. I’m hoping he’ll visit again.

Here’s some grainy pics as proof of his visit.




Just Three Words

I saw this on Wendy’s blog, and you know me with these kind of things, I couldn’t resist 🙂

“You have to use 3 words to answer each question. No more, no less. It’s harder than you think.”

Where is your mobile phone? right beside me
Your girlfriend/boyfriend/hubby? very near me
Your hair? (not my answer – but is this mean WHERE is my hair? WTF?!) on my head
Where is your father? I don’t know
Your favorite thing to do? listen to music
Your dream last night? didn’t have one
Your favorite drink? malted milk drink
Your dream car? A Smart car
The room you’re in? our front room
Your fears? bees, spiders, heights
Who did you hang out with last night? Em and Chrissy
What aren’t you good at? too many things
Muffins? with grilled cheese
One of your wish list items? SLR digital camera
The last thing you did? made blog comment
What are you wearing? t-shirt, nightie, underwear
Your pet? cat and goldfish
Your computer? Acer Aspire One
Your life? fair to middling
Your mood? subdued but chipper
Missing? my Australian family
What are you thinking about right now? what’s for breakfast
Your car? don’t have one
Your work? not in employment
Your summer? a mediocre one
Your relationship status? partnered, technically married
Your favorite color(s)? pink, black, blue
When is the last time you laughed? late last night
Last time you cried? on November 11th
School? Busby Primary School

My Review Of The Creative Zen X-Fi 16GB


I really did my research. I looked at several other MP3 players on the market, read reviews and really agonised over my choice.

The X-Fi was one of the first players I looked at and read reviews on. The reviews by and large were positive and it was becoming a clear choice for me initially, until it became obvious that the software provided with it was for Windows only. The player then was beginning to sound very Windows centric, which worried me, being a Mac and Linux user.

I then dabbled with the notion of getting an iPod. Despite being a Mac fan, I have always had reservations about getting an iPod. The price tag being the first turn off. Then the stories I’ve heard of poor battery life, cracked screens, poor sound quality, etc, really didn’t have me enthused over the choice. Especially when even iPod FANS were recommending buying replacement headphones for a nano that at base price was £100. To not be provided with high quality headphones on something with such a price tag sounded criminal to me!
Another thing that put me off buying an iPod was expandability. Once you choose the iPod you want, there’s no expansion slot, you are stuck with that fixed size of space.

I then in light of that, considered the Classic iPod. With 120GB of space, I’d be able to put my WHOLE iTunes library on it and STILL have loads of room to spare. And although my player was being purchased not for it’s portability to be taken outdoors, I was worried about the Classics potential fragility. Especially given the 120GB of space comes in the form of an actual hard drive rather than flash memory.
I still felt myself drawn to the X-Fi. The final element that swayed it for me was a company selling the 16GB version of the X-Fi for £106 – compared to it’s RRP of £140. It was the clincher.


I’m glad I jumped at it! I’ve had the player for a week now, and it has been fab!

The positives:

Despite being provided with Windows software and having a program called “Creative Centrale” that only runs on a Windows machine, my Mac can see it. I use a program called XNJB which gives you an MTP user interface to upload/download MP3’s with relative ease. It’s not the MOST compatible way to do it, but if, like me you are a Mac user and were reticent to buy Zen products due to incompatibility, rest assured.

The storage space. Mine is the 16GB version, but there is also a 32GB version as well. There is an 8GB version on the market too, but it doesn’t have the Wireless LAN feature and has (as far as I am aware) inferior quality headphones.

Along with the fixed storage it has an SD memory expansion slot, which means you can expand the memory by anything from minimal mega-bites right up to 32GB – and in HC format too. Plenty of room for expansion!

Video playback is good and high quality. So far I’ve only done a little playback via an SD card. I haven’t put any video on the fixed storage of the player. But from what I’ve played from SD, the video has smooth and fluid playback and is quite good to view despite it being on a 2 inch screen. The resolution is sharp and certainly makes video watchable.

The sound quality is excellent. And of course, the better bit rate of MP3, the better quality of sound. I try as much as possible, to have an absolute MINIMUM bit rate for my MP3’s be to 192kbps. The headphones are superior quality to my previous Creative headphones which were of good quality themselves. No need to folk out for replacement headphones with THIS player (sorry Apple!). Be warned, this only applies to the 16 and 32GB versions though, from what I’ve read on other reviews, the 8GB version comes with a different set of headphones and I can’t comment on those.

Battery life. I’ve had the player just over a week now and I haven’t flatten the battery. This is due mostly from me still loading songs on the machine and it being charged via the USB port when linked to the Mac. Battery life for MP3 playback through the headphones is quoted as being 25 hours. Through the built-in speaker on the unit, 15 hours, and for video playback, 5 hours. I would expect that headphone MP3 playback would see you get pretty close to the battery life quoted. The most I’ve used it for in one period was about 3 hours and it came nowhere NEAR depleting the battery life.

Wireless LAN feature. As a Mac user, I didn’t think the Wireless feature was going to be of ANY use to me at all. But I have signed up to a chat account and have Yahoo on. I haven’t chatted to anyone yet, but could imagine the “keyboard” interface could be problematic. The other aspect to the Wireless is the Creative Media Centre. It’s not FULLY open to me as a Mac user, but it does let me listen to various podcasts, including, bizarrely, some Australian content like the Kyle and Jackie O show and some Triple J stuff.

The Negatives:


Yes, there are some, albeit minimal (to me anyway)…

AAC playback. It WILL play AAC’s as stated, but I find for me it only recognises the tracks ID3 tags when loaded onto an SD card. If I load AAC’s directly onto the player, the ID3 tags don’t show properly and the songs get loaded but unidentified and all get bundled into an album by “Unknown artist” under “Unknown album”. This probably is only a Mac/Linux users problem as us users cannot access the “Creative Centrale”.

Video conversions needed for playback. So far, from what I can tell, it will only play “.avi” format video for me. And you need to convert video to 320 x 240 resolution. That isn’t so much the pain. One of the sell points for me was the larger range of video formats the X-Fi was meant to take compared to the regular Zen.

The X-Fi feature. This was the BIG feature, the “muts nuts” aspect of this player. I find it a bit like a chocolate fireplace, IE: quite useless. Unless you have appalling quality MP3’s (and quite frankly, why would you?), this feature will actually LESSEN the quality of your MP3’s. If you upload MP3’s of a minimum of 160kbps or higher, I seriously doubt you’d ever need to switch the X-Fi feature on.

The USB cable supplied is frankly an absurd size. It’s a 2 inch long cable!! I had to sit it behind my Mac and couldn’t confirm downloads and that the thing was charging unless I looked at the XNJB software. Or got up out of my computer chair and walked around to the back of the Mac. I wanted to have the unit in front of me. We had an existing cable that is 36 inches long. Well ample enough to have the X-Fi in front of me. It didn’t need to be a 36 inch cable, but why the hell make it only a 2 inch one?! I really think the cable should be at least 10 inches long.

On this topic, the fact that you have to fork out extra money for a mains adapter charger is a little rich. But Creative aren’t the only ones. For iPods come with no mains adapter either. Honestly. What is it with these companies. They make systems with in-built battery packs. You’d think that they could at least provide an alternative to only being able to charge the gadget via a USB port. Okay, they provide the mains adapters, but at extra cost. Why not just include them in the kit and charge a slightly higher price? I don’t understand why they think people wouldn’t want a mains adapter as standard?

For a person with my nails (I bite them), I find it hard to insert an SD card as it takes an effort to push the card into the slot fully, and takes nails, or having a small, thin gadget to hand (say, the back of another SD card, or a pen, or similar, or even someone with nails – for me it’s my partner).


The organiser. Obviously it needs to “sync” with your PC, erm, which I haven’t got. This renders the organiser for Mac/Linux users useless. Not that I’m really bothered by that myself. I’ve got a mobile phone after all.

I think that’s about all really. I’d give it 4.5 stars out of 5. It’s not 100% perfect, but it is as near enough to perfection as I think you could get. It’s in the high 90’s for me! I’m really, really pleased with it.