99 Things – It Was Meant To Be 100, but the last was for tagging.

You know I’m a sucker for a list. Saw this on Facebook, wasn’t tagged to do it, so thought I’d do it here instead.

001. Real name → Larelle Read (ne McInnes)
002. Nickname(s) → Loz, Lozzy, Teds, Teddy
003. Zodiac sign → Scorpio
004. Male or female → Female
005. Elementary School → Busby Infants School
006. Middle School → Busby Primary School
007. High School → Miller Technology H.S./Hoxton Park H.S.
008. Hair color → natural brown, atm
009. Long or short → v. short
010. Loud or Quiet → (in ref to what? My hair? My state of mind?) Quiet
011. Sweats or Jeans → Sweats at home, jeans when out.
012. Phone or Camera → Camera phone
013. Health freak → No, but trying to improve my health.
014. Drink or Smoke? → Drink on the rare occasion. Smoked in the past, but not now.
015. Do you have a crush on someone? → Yes, but he’s completely unobtainable.
016. Eat or Drink → (Pardon? What? As a vice? What do I prefer in general? Who asks these stupid questions?) Both, in moderation…
017. Piercings → 2 in left ear, one in right – all closed over now though.
018. Tattoos → 1 of a rose bud on my left shoulder.

HAVE YOU EVER?
019. Been in an aeroplane → Hell yes, too many times!
020. Been in a relationship → Yes
021. Been in a car accident → A very minor accident – no one was hurt.
022. Been in a fist fight → A very, VERY long time ago.

FIRSTS:
023. First piercing → Ears when I was around 7/8 years old.
024. First best friend → John and Louise
025. First award → Can’t remember
026. First crush → Only remember his first name – David
027. First big vacation→ A trip to Perth, WA to stay with my Uncle in the summer of 1979/1980.

LASTS:
029. Last person you talked to → Em
030. Last person you texted → Em (again)
031. Last person you watched a movie with → Em (yet again)
032. Last food you ate → Cinnamon grahams for breakfast.
033. Last movie you watched → Lars and The Real Girl
034. Last song you listened to → Love Shack – B52’s
035. Last thing you bought → Clothes for Em
036. Last person you hugged → (erm) Em

FAVES:
037. Food → Thai
038. Drinks → Pepsi Max (which I hardly ever have now), milkshakes – proper ones
039. Clothing → Jeans, long tunic tops, cardigans, cotton clothes.
040. Flower → Gerberas, Hyacinths and Frangipani
041. Animal → Birds, big cats and British wildlife (hedgehogs, badgers, foxes)
042. Colours → Pink (I do choose it a lot for things), pastels, and black
043. Movies → Anything really, but mostly comedies, rom coms, zom coms/horror and dramas.
044. Subjects → Science (biology, chemistry) and history

IN 2008….. I

045. [x] kissed someone
046. [] celebrated Halloween
047. [] had your heart broken
048. [x] went over the minutes on your cell phone
049. [] questioned someone’s sexual orientation
050. [] came out of the closet
051. [] gotten pregnant/got someone pregnant- lost it
052. [] had an abortion
053. [x] done something you’ve regretted
054. [] broke a promise
055. [] hid a secret
056. [x] pretended to be happy
057. [] met someone who changed your life
058. [] pretended to be sick
059. [] left the country
060. [] tried something you normally wouldn’t try and liked it
061. [] cried over the silliest thing
062. [] ran a mile
063. [] went to the beach with your best friend(s)
064. [x] got into an argument with your friends
065. [] hated someone
066. [] stayed single the whole year

CURRENTLY:
067. Eating → Nothing
068. Drinking → Tea
069. I’m about to → browse about and check online orders
070. Listening to → Nothing
071. Plans for today → web browsing, tweeting, hopefully knit a little, watch TV, etc (it’s an exciting life!)
072. Waiting for → more online shopping to arrive and the snow to melt

YOUR FUTURE:
073. Want kids? → no
074. Want to get married? → already married
075. Careers in mind → pipedream – vet or vetinery nurse

WHICH IS BETTER WITH GIRL/BOY?
076. Lips or eyes → eyes
077. Shorter or taller? → taller
078. Romantic or spontaneous → romantic
079. Nice stomach or nice arms → not fussed about the arms, don’t want abs either, as long as there’s no beer-belly.
080. Sensitive or loud → sensitive, mostly…loud can be annoying
081. Hook-up or relationship → booty call!!
082. Trouble-maker or hesitant → hesitant (not when it comes to the booty call tho)

HAVE YOU EVER:
083. Lost glasses/contacts → yes, sunglasses
084. Ran away from home → yes, in a very crap way, when I was 10yrs old.
085. Hold a gun/knife for self defence → no
086. Killed somebody → no
087. Broken someone’s heart → I think I have
088. Been arrested → no
089. Cried when someone died → yes (you’d have to be one cold, heartless bastard if you didn’t – I’m sure I know a few ppl who wouldn’t)

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
090. Yourself → no a lot
091. Miracles → maybe, I think
092. Love at first sight → No, lust is what it is, not love.
093. Heaven → A kind of heaven
094. Santa Claus → Yes!
095. Sex on the first date → Hell yes, if they are fit and all, and willing…
096. Kiss on the first date → Yes.

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
097. Is there one person you want to be with right now?→ yes
098. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? → not really, but who is? I know it could be worse. I’m not complaining…
099. Do you believe in God? → no

I’ve left 100 off, ‘cos it wasn’t a question, it said “tag 10 ppl”. I’m not tagging this time.

Even People At The Darts Want To Know

As Pixie-Anne Wheatley on Fast Forward used to say (if you’re Australian, you might get the reference), “It’s the question that’s on the lips and tips of everyone’s thingies”…

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Very strange to see the Royal fraternity at the darts last night. Both Mike Tindle (Zara Philips’ squeeze) and Peter Philips were there. Gawd, even the hoi polloi at the darts. How poosh!!

Much Better.

That was a bad day the other day. I felt awful. I’m feeling much better now. Thank goodness. I’d been a bit worried about myself there. Thankfully it was just a pre-Christmas bump.

Just finished the last of the online food shop. That gets delivered tomorrow. I had to scoot around the other day when Gilly took us to Letchworth to get a mock (vegetarian) turkey roll from Holland and Barrett. Flippin’ £4.25 it cost! It’ll barely feed me and Em. Just enough for both of us.

I’m totally splurging on nice food this year. We had a bleak Xmas last year, so this one will be special. And we’ve got alcohol too! I got a bottle of Disaronno from Morrisons the other day (almond liqueur, like marzipan) and I’ve also got a bottle of Midori (melon liqueur) coming and a couple of packs of snowballs (advocaat mixer).

Sssooo looking forward to the Doctor Who Christmas special. I’m counting down the day to Xmas by the number of days left before I get to see the special! That’s bad!

I’ve got plans to go and see Australia at the cinema as well. I saw the Newsnight Review on the BBC and it was slated by Germaine Greer and other members on the review panel. It sounded SO bad, it’s good!

Just a little bit of bits and bobs today.

Laters…

Hit The Wall

I’m having a bad day today. I’ve hit the pre-Christmas wall. I now want Christmas over with. I just don’t have the enthusiasm and the energy for it any longer. I just want my shopping done, the stuff on TV that I want to watch now! I’m just over it.

I’m having a real “2006” day. Two years ago I was going through a very deep depression. Not something I’d ever gone through before. Despite having long spells of living in poverty, I’ve always been scarily optimistic. So 2006 really came from nowhere. I just couldn’t see the point any more. But it was like that, every day, for at least 6 months.

I still have those feelings on the odd day. It’s just more of a “feel sorry for myself” day now when that happens. Today is one of those days. I just want to mope. Just lay on the bed in the foetal position and forget about the world for a while.

In 2006 I used to have quite big philosophical questions for myself and others. Why *are* we here? Are we meant to be here? Aren’t we just a virus invading a place that’s not rightfully ours? Why do we treat animals so inferior? Environmental conservation?! What a laugh! If we weren’t here f*cking up the earth in the first place, we wouldn’t have to be doing “conservation” work – I say, typing it into my netbook!!

The world is just full of contradictions, hypocrisy and chaos.

Then I think things like “What drives a person in say, DR Congo, or the Darfur region, or even Zimbabwe to continue on? What *IS* the point of it? Please, please, really tell me?

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In the absolute grand scheme of things, what do we, as humans, contribute to anything? That we leave a mark (more like scar, and a deep scar at that)? That we get remembered for achievements? So, we’ve gone to the moon…SO?! What of it? Big fat hairy deal. What does it matter that I know Einstein? What did he prove? Why is it important that I know that Henry VIII lived and had six wives?

What makes these things important when we still have wars, we are still animals – lesser animals than the ones we like to “lord it” over! We’re just a mutant virus. We shouldn’t even be here.

Then there’s things like religion. Just do *not* get me started there.

I know. It’s all very “It’s A Wonderful Life” the way I’m talking. But seriously, that movie is fantasy. What WAS so important about George Bailey’s life? Oh sure, he saves his brother’s life – who then in turn saves the lives of people in war – but his brother saved peoples lives IN WAR! I mean, FFS, we STILL have war! The human race is just ridiculous.

I just don’t get stuff…I really don’t.

Yes, it’s a bad day…

Evocative Songs

You know me. I do like to talk about things sexual. But I’m worried that I come across as sex obsessed. Which I’m not! It’s just I want to talk to about things that are on my mind.

In coming up with post topics, I’ve been wanting to write this post for a few days now, and was tossing up whether to put it out on this blog, or just put it up as a private blog post. It feels quite personal, but after the work I put into it, I decided to post it here.

Songs stir up so many emotions in us. They can transport me, very often, to a direct place and time. Like for example, when I hear ELO’s “Hold On Tight”, I get transported to being in Roy’s car, with his (now ex) wife Carole and Cheryl, and it playing on the radio as we were driving back from from seeing his and Cheryl’s grandparents (paternal grandparents – my siblings all share the same father, but I have a different dad). So when I’m listening to the song, I’m in a old Holden car, at dusk, travelling the Hume Highway towards Liverpool.

Other songs take me to my brother Quince’s bedroom, with his big pioneer hi-fi system – listening to songs in the dark, with maybe a red light bulb on (that is SO 70’s!), looking at all the 70’s posters on the wall, held up by a nail with those long black clips that you’d feed the top and bottom of the poster into.

Sometimes I see the room during that day. And sometimes I’m outside on my swing. Sometimes the images are older shots of me in the lounge room listening on our old crappy hi-fi, or me in my own room as an adult, with my 3 disc CD playing hi-fi on a hot day.

When I hear the INXS song “Disappear” I’m at a Christmas party in 1990 at a relatives house of my then boyfreind Roger. We’re playing pool on his relatives huge billiards table.

This post though is really about what I think of as evocative songs, to me. Songs that spark off maybe a sensual emotion. They don’t exactly spark off sexual arousal, but they spark off feelings of intimacy or sensuality. It might be just a line a singer delivers in a certain way, or the song might just conjure up thoughts of intimacy or longing. Some just have sexy or quirky lines.

Sexy Quirky ones for me that conjure up sensual images or feelings:

U2 – Do You Feel Loved? (it’s especially the lines “Take my shirt, go on take it off me, you can tear it up if you can tie me down” and “With my fingers as you want them, with my nails under your hide. With My teeth at your back and my tongue to tell you the sweetest lies”), Mysterious Ways, An Cat Dubh, Trip Through Your Wires, Babyface
Cars – Let’s Go (I just love the singers voice – very sensuous. Oh and he says the line “She’s got wonderful eyes and a risky mouth” – love that!)
Bjork – Possibly Maybe (it’s in particular the line “Since we broke up I’m using lipstick again. I suck my tongue in remembrance of you”), Enjoy
Franz Ferdinand – Well That Was Easy (the lines “So come on kill me, kill me now, kill me now ‘cos I’m leaving you now” – it’s just the way Alex delivers it, also the line “I watched you clean the filth off your phone dial, swalling the things your finger picked up. Tongue, your tongue, I watched your tongue licking on”), Darts of Pleasure (“We’ll have fantastic passion”, “You can see my lips undress your eyes”), Michael, I’m Your Villain
David Bowie – Cactus (all about a guy in jail that wants his girlfriend to send him a sweat-stained, blood-stained dress of hers to him), I’ve been Waiting For You, Wishful Beginnings, Stay, Dead Against It, She Shook Me Cold, Star
Eurythmics – It’s Alright, Cool Blue
Frankie Goes To Hollywood – The Power of Love (could be in both lists really)
George Michael – Faith, Father Figure (could be in both), Flawless (Go To The City) (“‘Cos you’re beautiful, like no other“)
Grace Jones – Pull Up To The Bumper, My Jamaican Guy, Warm Leatherette (best line is “A tear of petrol is in your eye, the handbrake penetrates your thigh. A tear of petrol is in your eye, quick, let’s make love before we die”)
Hoodoo Gurus – Like Wow – Wipeout
Icehouse – We Can Get Together, Can’t Help Myslef, Love In Motion
Kylie Minogue – Love At First Sight, Slow, Chocolate, Two Hearts
Madonna – Candy Perfume Girl, Burning Up, Hanky Panky, Erotica, Deeper and Deeper
Mondo Rock – Come Said The Boy (just reminds me of teenage “first time” experiences)
Split Enz – One Step Ahead, I Got You
The Killers – Andy You’re A Star, On Top

Emotive Sensual ones – sparking feelings of love and sensuality or strong emotions of loss, regret, sadness:

KD Lang – Wash Me Clean and Save Me
Bjork – Hyperballad, Unravel, Come To Me, One Day, and Joga
Crowded House – When You Come, Fall At Your Feet, Better Be Home Soon
David Bowie – I Would Be Your Slave, Wild Is The Wind,
Eurythmics – The Miracle of Love
Foreigner – Waiting For A Girl Like You
George Michael – Amazing, Another Corner
Grace Jones – La Vie En Rose
The Honeydrippers – The Sea of Love
Hunters and Collectors – Throw Your Arms Around Me
Kylie Minogue – Come Into My World, I Believe In You
Madonna – To Have And Not To Hold, Skin, True Blue, Jimmy Jimmy, Causing A Commotion, Oh Father, Rain, You’ll See, What It Feels Like For A Girl
Mondo Rock – State Of The Heart
Paul Young – Wherever I Lay My Hat, Every Time You Go Away
Roxy Music – More Than This
Snow Patrol – Run, Chasing Cars
Split Enz – I Hope I Never
The Smiths – There’s A Light That Never Goes Out
U2 – So Cruel, Love Is Blindness, Into The Heart, Gone, Stay (Far Away, So Close)

There are probably others, but I conpiled this mostly with what I have listed in my Zen. All of these songs evoke something strong within me anyway. This post has been a labour of love and has taken me approximately 3 hours to compile!

I’m done xx

Pre-Christmas Organizing and Stuff…

Just basic ramblings about stuff for today.

We put up most of the Christmas decorations last night. We’ve got a decorated artificial 5ft tree by the lounge room window and we’ve got a dinky little 3ft fibre optic tree at the bottom of the stairs on the other side of the lounge room. We’ve got a fibre optic Father Christmas by the TV and have a nativity scene, an advent Santa and a Santa snow-globe on the gas fire mantle, and a wreath on the door.

Over the weekend the fish tank needs a good cleanout. JUST in case we get guests over the festive period. Not likely, but it’ll be a nice pressie for the fishies to have a clean tank for Xmas anyway.

After that, I’ll have to clean out the freezer section of the fridge, to make sure we can house the goodies over the Xmas period.

On a separate note. I tried to get tickets for Hamlet today, as I’d heard there were some limited seats available from the box office for today’s performance. I lucked out sadly, but the guy on the phone said I should keep trying as some tickets do become available through the day. I will try again in a few weeks though, as I have to watch the pennies until the rent is paid.

Anyway, that’s about it for now. Catch ya later.

The Trials and Tribulations of Blogging.

Why does it seem that as you get older, the time goes quicker? Well, in some respects. I found myself thinking yeterday “December 1st already? I must get all the Christmas decorations out today.” Then the next minute I find myself saying “When was it we went to see U2:3D on Imax in Birmingham? It feels likes AGES ago? March? Seriously?! It feels farther back than that!!”

I’ve been finding myself thinking about how I used to keep my diary and wish it translated onto my blog a bit more than it does. I think I had more to write about at thirteen than I do now. Which is worrying!

I wish I could write more about things. I used to keep a thing going on a site called Ourstory. You’d be asked a whole set of questions about your life that you had to answer. I worked on it for ages. It became a bit cumbersome in the end and I haven’t done anything with it in over a year.

I loved the piece I wrote about losing my virginity and my sexual awakening. It didn’t quite read as I wanted it to in the end, but I loved putting it “out there” as it were. I really love writing and wish I was far better at it than I am.

I love reading books and always have from a young age. I admire anyone who can write a book. Everyone is supposedly meant to have a book in them. I wish I felt I had one. I dare say mine would be more – whatever is thought to be universally a crap book – less To Kill A Mocking Bird. That was Harper Lee’s only book – and what a book to have in you!

I suppose keeping a diary/journal/blog has been my way of writing a book all these years. There have been LONG gaps in between.

My initial reasoning for keeping a diary was nothing to do with self-promotion or any sense of ego. It was prompted by me reading Anne Frank’s diary at thirteen and feeling as though the diary, for her, was a way of combating loneliness. Which is why I started mine. I even used a similar ploy to Anne Frank and referred to my diary in the second person and gave it a name, Pet, much in the way Anne Frank wrote to “Kitty” and referred to all of us readers in the second person. It was like letter-writing and gave me the sense that I was writing to a friend. One that I obviously didn’t have in real life at the time. But one I desperately wanted.

I see the blog as another friend, in much the same way as I kept my dairy all those years ago. The only slight worrying problem with the blog is that I am aware I have an audience! Be it ever so small. I know people are reading, unlike when I kept my diary, which was a totally private thing. I don’t mind that so much – knowing there are people reading. It has its advantages. It keeps me motivated to keep the blog up-to-date. But on the odd occasion there are some SUPER private things I’d like to talk about that I wouldn’t feel comfortable expressing here. 

It’s odd because I don’t consider myself  too much of a private person – HELLO – I have a blog for Pete’s sake! And not just that, my own domain names: www.larelle.co.uk and www.larelleread.co.uk (both with my blog page). But there are thoughts and events that you do want to keep to yourself. My diary probably was incredibly cheap therapy! That, and talking to myself. Another thing that I’ve done for a VERY long time. And another thing that combats loneliness, I suppose. 

I don’t know where this post is headed. I suppose I just wanted to air that I wish I had more flair at writing. Even if my time on Earth is boring, I wish I could at least write about it with flair. Or write down more of my inner thoughts. After all, what did Anne Frank (bless her heart) have to write about from day to day other than the mundaneness of being trapped within an attic for a home, sharing a confined space with her family, the Van Pels and Fritz Pfeffer for two years? But she brought it to life. All that mundaneness. All that claustrophobia and tedium. All the fear that at any moment they could be discovered and captured, which mores the better is what eventuated. But without it, I dare say we wouldn’t have been blessed with her incredible diary. 

I wish I had the writing prowess that she had at 13/14 that I still don’t have at 38!

My Sexual Awakening.

This story http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/scotland/south_of_scotland/7754247.stm prompted me to write about my sexual awakening. It probably happened much sooner than many people would think.

Mind you, I didn’t act upon it until a was 18, but it would’ve happened MUCH earlier in my life had the circumstances permitted. If I’d have had my way, I’m sure I would have lost my virginity at a ridiculously young age!

My mother was very open about sexuality with me. She started my sex education when I was about 4-5 years old. She was worried about the things I’d pick up in the school playground and didn’t want me to be misinformed. So many of my contemporaries were given stories of cabbage patches, storks, magic and had silly names for anatomical parts like “pipes” for penises. She taught me things like how impregnation takes place. So I knew when a woman was pregnant she had a baby growing in her stomach, not she was ballooning for no good reason to only be “sent” a child by a stork, or randomly “find” one in a cabbage patch!

I wasn’t banned from watching certain things on TV either. I’d watch adult oriented soap operas and drama series. By the time I was around 11, I was quite interested in the “delights of the flesh”. When I saw people acting out sensual or even sexual scenes on TV, I found it utterly intriguing and thrilling.

Perhaps it’s my Scorpio nature, but I’ve always considered myself a very sexual being. It’s by the age of 11 that I am (I do beg all of your pardons) masturbating regularly and having many sexual fantasies, particularly about older men. I think that perhaps this aspect stemmed from me growing up without my father around, although my brothers are all over 9 years older than me. I looked up to older men, be they teachers, sports stars, actors. I’ve had MANY crushes on older men. Not so much these days, as I’m so much older myself now.

Many of my sexual fantasies revolved around me being involved with older men. Even at my tender age, I found the age and experience of men over the age of 21 so compelling. I’m sure if I’d have had my way, I’d have lost my virginity at 11-12 and to a much older man. I was Lolita!

I am, with hindsight, thankful that no situation ever arose in which I had such an opportunity. I was 18 when I (Finally! In my eyes at the time) lost my virginity to a guy only one year older than me who I’d been keen on for the previous 18 months. Although the relationship went nowhere, he was just in it for “a root”, as we say in Oz, it still was a very special experience that I still can have nostalgia about. Not sure if I could have looked upon it so rose-tinted had I been younger.

Randomist, Dreams.

Just wanted to say that I am really loving and enjoying using my Zen X-Fi. It does take a while to get used to using something new, doesn’t it? I’ve just worked out the playlist bit and now have a BIG 80’s mega-mix playlist with over 400 songs. I’ve made one of all my U2 stuff and another of all my Bowie stuff. And Em worked out how to get AAC files on there for me. It’s really, really good!

Now, on to these dreams…

I had a crap nights sleep really. Chris came up to bed for cuddles (she’s been doing this for the last few months). Once me and Em are both settled, she comes to my pillow and lays next to me for cuddles and smooches. She normally stays only about 10-15 minutes. Sometimes she doesn’t even come up. But over the last week, I’ve had a couple of nights where she’s outstayed her welcome, hogged my pillow and made it nigh on impossible for me to get comfortable and go to sleep.

I eventually did last night, after some hours. She eventually disappeared and I finally got my pillow back in the early hours of the morning (around 5-6am).

Once I was comfortable, I started to have dreams. The first one was about James May (yes, the bloke from Top Gear!). I dreamt I had a thing for him, we met up, he was driving me around in a car and I was flirting with him! I came round from that dream thinking “that was a bit weird, but kinda cool. James is alright!”

I went back to sleep and had a Doctor Who themed dream then. Not too deeply DT’ed, but I saw enough of him 🙂 It more centred around John Barrowman’s character, Jack Harkness and how he came to be the “Face of Bow”. Very strange for me to dream something so plot-heavy. But it was cool.

I didn’t have any other dreams after that and still feel VERY tired. Might need to have an early night tonight.

I’m planning to fill my 1GB SD card with 101 Christmas songs and play them on my Zen in shuffle mode tonight! LOVING using the shuffle mode with my playlists!

L8rs!

Six Things (Which Will Probably Be Crap)

Wendylisted her 6 things via Plurk earlier today, so thought I might give it a go. Even though I am TRULY crap at bringing up random, seldom known “facts” about myself. Here goes…

 

Six Things People Don’t Really Know About Me:

 

In high school I was awarded certificates for swimming when I didn’t even swim any heats, or actually DO any swimming.

 

I got Drew Barrymore’s autograph at Sydney Airport in the newsagents in the departure lounge on July 18th, 2005. I actually tapped her on the shoulder to get her attention! She signed her name in an autobiography on Waris Dirie. It was all I had to hand.

 

My Drew Barrymore autograph

I am, actually, surprisingly very good at retaining phone numbers to memory, just not my own! I’ve had a “new” mobile phone number for 14 months and have only just etched it to memory!

 

I am fascinated by Chinese culture and art and some of my favorite films are by Chinese director Zhang Yimou. My favourite Chinese actress is Ziyi Zhang and my favourite Chinese Actor is Chow Yun-Fat or “Happy New Year” as I call him due to the Cantonese New Year greeting “Gung Hay Fat Choy”. I also love reading auto/biographies by Chinese people like Adaline Yen Mah, Xinran, and To The Egde of The Sky by Anhua Gao – one of the most powerful books I’ve ever read.

 

I collect coffee mug as souvenirs. Whenever I go to a new town or place of interest, I try to buy a commemorative coffee mug of the place. If I can’t get a mug, I’ll buy a book mark. Last commemorative item I bought though was neither. It was a cloth bag from Lincoln Cathedral.

 

I am an avid studier of the history of the British monarchy. I particularly love the Tudor period of the monarchy.

 

There…a sad array of random facts.