Hit The Wall

I’m having a bad day today. I’ve hit the pre-Christmas wall. I now want Christmas over with. I just don’t have the enthusiasm and the energy for it any longer. I just want my shopping done, the stuff on TV that I want to watch now! I’m just over it.

I’m having a real “2006” day. Two years ago I was going through a very deep depression. Not something I’d ever gone through before. Despite having long spells of living in poverty, I’ve always been scarily optimistic. So 2006 really came from nowhere. I just couldn’t see the point any more. But it was like that, every day, for at least 6 months.

I still have those feelings on the odd day. It’s just more of a “feel sorry for myself” day now when that happens. Today is one of those days. I just want to mope. Just lay on the bed in the foetal position and forget about the world for a while.

In 2006 I used to have quite big philosophical questions for myself and others. Why *are* we here? Are we meant to be here? Aren’t we just a virus invading a place that’s not rightfully ours? Why do we treat animals so inferior? Environmental conservation?! What a laugh! If we weren’t here f*cking up the earth in the first place, we wouldn’t have to be doing “conservation” work – I say, typing it into my netbook!!

The world is just full of contradictions, hypocrisy and chaos.

Then I think things like “What drives a person in say, DR Congo, or the Darfur region, or even Zimbabwe to continue on? What *IS* the point of it? Please, please, really tell me?

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In the absolute grand scheme of things, what do we, as humans, contribute to anything? That we leave a mark (more like scar, and a deep scar at that)? That we get remembered for achievements? So, we’ve gone to the moon…SO?! What of it? Big fat hairy deal. What does it matter that I know Einstein? What did he prove? Why is it important that I know that Henry VIII lived and had six wives?

What makes these things important when we still have wars, we are still animals – lesser animals than the ones we like to “lord it” over! We’re just a mutant virus. We shouldn’t even be here.

Then there’s things like religion. Just do *not* get me started there.

I know. It’s all very “It’s A Wonderful Life” the way I’m talking. But seriously, that movie is fantasy. What WAS so important about George Bailey’s life? Oh sure, he saves his brother’s life – who then in turn saves the lives of people in war – but his brother saved peoples lives IN WAR! I mean, FFS, we STILL have war! The human race is just ridiculous.

I just don’t get stuff…I really don’t.

Yes, it’s a bad day…

Was That A Kite?

Yes, but not THAT kind of kite! It was one of THESE kind of kites!

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I saw it as we got near to our place. We’d just been shopping with Em’s dad, and were in the last half a mile home and I saw it circling around. Not THAT particular kite mind you, but one just as spectacular. What a sight to see.

It was HUGE!

Ausrock – The Blog of Rare Australian Music.

I was looking at Google Reader through the few blogs I follow on there. The thing is, I rarely remember to go there and look at the blog updates. The more important blogs I read, I’ve got linked to my own blog – except one, that I forgot I was following until I returned to Google Reader today.

It’s called Ausrock and it has a WEALTH of hard-to-find and rare Australian and New Zealand music on it with downloadable content – which is the BEST bonus of all when it comes to rare finds!

Anyway, thought I’d mention it and link. To view the site, go here:

http://ausrock.blogspot.com

No Ice Cream?

I had a dream in the early hours of this morning. I had the distinct feeling I was at home, but the visuals in the dream had me located at my mums house. It was late at night, around 11.30pm. Em and I were watching something on TV. Something caught my eye out the window – it was an ice cream van. A very modern one – quite posh (for an ice cream van!). A person had just been served and was walking away from the van.

I popped my head out the front door and asked the man how much longer he’d be around. “Oh, for a while yet” he said. I thought “great” and continued watching the TV. Once I was ready to get an ice cream, I thought I’d better check he was still outside. I asked him another question, which I can’t remember now, then said “I’ll just be a minute”. I’d only been in a t-shirt and knickers so needed to get some trousers on before heading outside.

I quickly go to the bedroom, get some trousers on and walk out the door to the van. As I’m doing this, the man pulls down the shutter to the van, starts the engine and starts to drive off. I’m calling out saying “Wait! I’m coming to buy something now!” He says “Too late. I waited long enough. I’m off”. I just stood there dumbfounded, watching him drive off – disappointed. Damn you ice cream man!!

Evocative Songs

You know me. I do like to talk about things sexual. But I’m worried that I come across as sex obsessed. Which I’m not! It’s just I want to talk to about things that are on my mind.

In coming up with post topics, I’ve been wanting to write this post for a few days now, and was tossing up whether to put it out on this blog, or just put it up as a private blog post. It feels quite personal, but after the work I put into it, I decided to post it here.

Songs stir up so many emotions in us. They can transport me, very often, to a direct place and time. Like for example, when I hear ELO’s “Hold On Tight”, I get transported to being in Roy’s car, with his (now ex) wife Carole and Cheryl, and it playing on the radio as we were driving back from from seeing his and Cheryl’s grandparents (paternal grandparents – my siblings all share the same father, but I have a different dad). So when I’m listening to the song, I’m in a old Holden car, at dusk, travelling the Hume Highway towards Liverpool.

Other songs take me to my brother Quince’s bedroom, with his big pioneer hi-fi system – listening to songs in the dark, with maybe a red light bulb on (that is SO 70’s!), looking at all the 70’s posters on the wall, held up by a nail with those long black clips that you’d feed the top and bottom of the poster into.

Sometimes I see the room during that day. And sometimes I’m outside on my swing. Sometimes the images are older shots of me in the lounge room listening on our old crappy hi-fi, or me in my own room as an adult, with my 3 disc CD playing hi-fi on a hot day.

When I hear the INXS song “Disappear” I’m at a Christmas party in 1990 at a relatives house of my then boyfreind Roger. We’re playing pool on his relatives huge billiards table.

This post though is really about what I think of as evocative songs, to me. Songs that spark off maybe a sensual emotion. They don’t exactly spark off sexual arousal, but they spark off feelings of intimacy or sensuality. It might be just a line a singer delivers in a certain way, or the song might just conjure up thoughts of intimacy or longing. Some just have sexy or quirky lines.

Sexy Quirky ones for me that conjure up sensual images or feelings:

U2 – Do You Feel Loved? (it’s especially the lines “Take my shirt, go on take it off me, you can tear it up if you can tie me down” and “With my fingers as you want them, with my nails under your hide. With My teeth at your back and my tongue to tell you the sweetest lies”), Mysterious Ways, An Cat Dubh, Trip Through Your Wires, Babyface
Cars – Let’s Go (I just love the singers voice – very sensuous. Oh and he says the line “She’s got wonderful eyes and a risky mouth” – love that!)
Bjork – Possibly Maybe (it’s in particular the line “Since we broke up I’m using lipstick again. I suck my tongue in remembrance of you”), Enjoy
Franz Ferdinand – Well That Was Easy (the lines “So come on kill me, kill me now, kill me now ‘cos I’m leaving you now” – it’s just the way Alex delivers it, also the line “I watched you clean the filth off your phone dial, swalling the things your finger picked up. Tongue, your tongue, I watched your tongue licking on”), Darts of Pleasure (“We’ll have fantastic passion”, “You can see my lips undress your eyes”), Michael, I’m Your Villain
David Bowie – Cactus (all about a guy in jail that wants his girlfriend to send him a sweat-stained, blood-stained dress of hers to him), I’ve been Waiting For You, Wishful Beginnings, Stay, Dead Against It, She Shook Me Cold, Star
Eurythmics – It’s Alright, Cool Blue
Frankie Goes To Hollywood – The Power of Love (could be in both lists really)
George Michael – Faith, Father Figure (could be in both), Flawless (Go To The City) (“‘Cos you’re beautiful, like no other“)
Grace Jones – Pull Up To The Bumper, My Jamaican Guy, Warm Leatherette (best line is “A tear of petrol is in your eye, the handbrake penetrates your thigh. A tear of petrol is in your eye, quick, let’s make love before we die”)
Hoodoo Gurus – Like Wow – Wipeout
Icehouse – We Can Get Together, Can’t Help Myslef, Love In Motion
Kylie Minogue – Love At First Sight, Slow, Chocolate, Two Hearts
Madonna – Candy Perfume Girl, Burning Up, Hanky Panky, Erotica, Deeper and Deeper
Mondo Rock – Come Said The Boy (just reminds me of teenage “first time” experiences)
Split Enz – One Step Ahead, I Got You
The Killers – Andy You’re A Star, On Top

Emotive Sensual ones – sparking feelings of love and sensuality or strong emotions of loss, regret, sadness:

KD Lang – Wash Me Clean and Save Me
Bjork – Hyperballad, Unravel, Come To Me, One Day, and Joga
Crowded House – When You Come, Fall At Your Feet, Better Be Home Soon
David Bowie – I Would Be Your Slave, Wild Is The Wind,
Eurythmics – The Miracle of Love
Foreigner – Waiting For A Girl Like You
George Michael – Amazing, Another Corner
Grace Jones – La Vie En Rose
The Honeydrippers – The Sea of Love
Hunters and Collectors – Throw Your Arms Around Me
Kylie Minogue – Come Into My World, I Believe In You
Madonna – To Have And Not To Hold, Skin, True Blue, Jimmy Jimmy, Causing A Commotion, Oh Father, Rain, You’ll See, What It Feels Like For A Girl
Mondo Rock – State Of The Heart
Paul Young – Wherever I Lay My Hat, Every Time You Go Away
Roxy Music – More Than This
Snow Patrol – Run, Chasing Cars
Split Enz – I Hope I Never
The Smiths – There’s A Light That Never Goes Out
U2 – So Cruel, Love Is Blindness, Into The Heart, Gone, Stay (Far Away, So Close)

There are probably others, but I conpiled this mostly with what I have listed in my Zen. All of these songs evoke something strong within me anyway. This post has been a labour of love and has taken me approximately 3 hours to compile!

I’m done xx

ASDA Luton’s Improvements and Little Booze Lost.

For five years now, the ASDA store in Luton has been our local supermarket. When we still had a car it was easy for us to go elsewhere and we more often than not shopped at Morrisons or even other ASDA stores instead of our own.

Without a car we’ve had little choice but to shop there. Most of the time we just couldn’t face it and would shop with ASDA online instead. Especially for out main fortnightly shop.

Luton’s ASDA was always cramped, lacking in certain items and was just generally an unpleasant shopping experience. Early in the Autumn, the store began an expansion. It made shopping a little inconvenient at times. And at one point the store was closed completely for an EXCRUCIATING 90 hours!

But for the last few weeks the store has been finished and fully operational again. I got to see the completed work for the first time today. Wow! What an improvement! A store you finally want to shop in! The isles have been widened and better stocked. There’s now a small pharmacy inside. It was just a muc

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h more pleasant shopping experience. You didn’t feel rushed. The store felt roomy. You didn’t feel pushed for time…it was FAB!

We did a stop-gap shop there. We filled up two “old grey-haired lady” shopping trolleys with stuff from the store. A good list of items for just a tad over £50 that’ll see us through probably until the end of next week. It was good.

We caught the bus home as we had a lot of stuff (even though we’re only 10 mins from the shop – Em would’ve walked, but it’s a big hill for me). As we were walking from the bus stop, just before the corner to our street, I heard crying – not sobbing – but sort of like yelling. At first, I thought it was a kid, I stopped and looked behind me and there was a cat, running to me, meowing at the top of its lungs! It ran up to me and was just looking up at me meowing so loudly. I bent down and patted it. Then as I went to walk off, it started following me! We encouraged it to follow us. All the way it was meowing. Poor little thing!

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So we got home with little “Heart-breaker” in tow. Em gave her a bit of Chris’s food and she stayed around, all the time meowing really vocally. We locked Chris away in the bedroom and were trying to console Heart-breaker. She spent the next 4 hours hanging around, meowing really loudly through the door when she was locked out. I was REALLY starting to get worried. Em even took a walk down to the newsagents to see if there were any lost cat notices in the window, to no avail. Eventually poor Heart-breaker seemed to disappear. Hope she’s okay and found her way home, wherever it is?!
She just appeared from nowhere when I first saw her!

The Jay Returned!

Amazing! I never thought I’d see it again, the jay returned to the garden today. Em was taking FOREVER to get the camera ready. He was on the ground for a minute or two, but by the time slowcoach had the camera, he was in the tree.

STILL – we did manage to get two shots.

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He’s trying to ignore us here! Someone else (pictured below) was EAGERLY watching!

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Bah Bum-Hug!

Here’s one of a set of Christmas photos of Chrissy in her Santa scarf and hat. She wasn’t very happy about it…

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Chrissy says Bah bum-hug!

Christmas-themed Shenanigans.

Having just written out the overseas Christmas cards to send off, I got Em to take a picture of me to update on my plurk page. Here are some of the photos that ensued!

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This was the final one taken, and the one I chose.

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This one made me LITERALLY pee myself when I saw it! I had to go up stairs and change my underwear! I just kept thinking “What do *I* look like? A Chinese man?!!! Buddha!”

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This was a contender for the plurk page.

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This one I look a bit startled. The red-eye reduction light is WELL bright!

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This is obviously my “Christmas? Meh!” look! And bah humbug to me!! lol

Hope you enjoyed that embarrassing set!